Front Lines - Weeks of November 18 and 25

SECRET WARS, TOO

Sraw Terces by Jonathan Hickman and Brian Churilla

Summary: We see Hickman pitching Secret Wars to the Marvel editorial staff.  The editor in chief reminds everyone that everything has to come full stop and Secret Wars is all that matters.  But Hickman has a major problem.  He has no ending for the story.  He rushes to the bathroom to throw p.  Doom is there and mocks him.  Hickman goes for lunch with Doom.  Doom tells him that it doesn’t matter all that much since someone will eventually retcon or replace the Secret Wars story that Hickman writes anyway.  Hickman goes back to his office and admits to his bosses that he has no ending.  They have faith in him, but on the off chance he fails, he will have to write a parody comic and then be fired.

Great Incomprehensibility by Al Ewing and Jacapo Comagni

Summary: In the remnants of Marvel’s 617 universe, Spider-Man sees a thief run by him being pursued by Thor.  Little Angels convince Spider-Man to intervene to help stop the thief to prevent anything bad from happening to his Uncle Ben.  Peter goes home, and discovers thathis Uncle Ben is a thief who murdered  and robbed the Uncle Glen of a hero named Glider-Man.  Glider-Man’s attempts at vengeance is stopped by Slider-Man who reveals that Uncle Glen was a contract killed who was going to kill Slider-Man’s Uncle Sven.  This goes on for a few more pages before Doom wipes out reality ending the story.

Pizza Quest by Kate Leth and Brittney L. Williams

Summary: At the shield wall, Kate Bishop and Miss America decide to desert their post to go get pizza.  They hop through a few domains using Miss America’s powers until they end up in Manhattan.  Pizza Dog arrives to bring them pizza...though it is ruined by pineapple.  Seeing Pizza Dog helps remind Kate about her live before Battleworld.  She knows she needs to find someone named Clint Burton. She and Miss America teleport off to find him.

Last Days of D-Man by Kyle Starks and Ramon Villalobos

Summary: On 616, just before the final incursion, a guy is trying to summon a demon.  He ends bringing D-Man back to life instead.  D-Man has a great day, going for ice cream, getting a pep talk from Jarvis, even forming a wrestling tag-team with Rage. Then the incursion happens, wiping out Earth.  D-Man ends up becoming Baron of a domain called Demolition House on Battleworld.

#Galhacktus by Rod Guillay

Summary: This story takes place in a domain where Galactus runs a food blog with his heralds/assistants, Jessica Jones, Daredevil, and Spider-Man.  His site gets hacked by the Watcher.  Daredevil discovers a device called the Ultimate Wi-Fier which would give its wielder control over the internet.  But it’s in domain 615.  Jessica and Peter go there, to discover it’s a world where everyone is Uncle Ben.  Spidey has a hard time fighting that world’s A-Bengers, but they managed to retrieve the device. When they get home, Spider-Man decides to get revenge on Galactus, Spidey uses the device to download a million comment pages into both Galactus and Watcher’s minds.

The Bear Without Fear by Ryan Browne

Summary: On Domain XXX, three Cyclops attack Wolverine for stealing Jean Grey.  Wolvie manages to nut shot all three Cyclops.  Wolverine is then attacked by Beardevil, the Bear without Fear.  Beardevil kills Wolverine in a gruesome fashion.  The Cyclops are so terrified they all play dead.  Beardevil is then shot and killed by Foggy Nelson.  He says that bear ate Matt and stole his costume.  He tries to cut the bear open, when a bear version of Foggy arrives and kills human Foggy.  Jean gets there...and ends up leaving with the Bear Foggy instead of any of the Cyclops.

Doom: Behind the Tyranny by Eric Powell

Summary: This is a quick two page “Behind the Music” parody starring Doom.

Mike Maillaro: I am typically a fan of random insanity humor.  Something like Mad Magazine or Monty Python, even Marvel’s old “What The…” series.  But it seems when Marvel tries to do these types of comics, they just can’t pull it off right.  The randomness was just random, not particularly funny.  The two worst stories in here were the Galactus story and Beardevil.  Which is a shame, because both of those seem like they could have some real potential.  Though I will admit I am particularly biased against the Beardevil story because it was just Marvel mocking Cyclops again.  Kind of old at this point.

The opening story showing Hickman pitching the story was fine, but it was more frustrating than funny. Marvel mocking their inability to get this event done in well and in a timely fashion would be funnier, if it wasn’t actually exactly what happened.  Secret Wars main series has been late, slow, and pointless.  The joke’s not funny when it’s this true.  It comes across as a huge insult to the readers.  

I will just say that this book did have some redeeming qualities.  I really liked the Pizza Quest story.  That version of Kate Bishop and Miss America have appeared in a few different Secret Wars books, and they are both real well done.  The story managed to be funny, but still had a point to it too.  Grounding it in Battleworld without any real stupidity made me feel a real connection to this story.  

I also liked the D-Man story a lot.  D-Man has been around forever, and he is a favorite of mine.  Best line of this entire issue was Rage’s excitement about becoming a wrestler just because it meant his mask finally made sense.  

Score: 3/5

HAIL HYDRA #4 by Rick Remender and Roland Boschi

Summary: Captain Hydra tries to get Ian to surrender.  Ian would rather die than give Hydra access to the immortality secrets in his armor.  So he leaps to his death.  Ellie, stll infected with the symbiote, swoops in to rescue Ian.  She seems to have gained some control over the symbiote.  Ellie wants to go back and fight; Ian suggests they get to the Infinite ELevator and escape back to Ian’s world (the 616 universe).

Captain Hydra and his Avengers catch up to them.  Ellie and Ian get caught in “mind bubbles” which gives them their dream lives, growing up safe with Rogers and Sharon Carter.  Ian knows this fantasy to be a lie, so he kills dream Ellie and himself to restore them to consciousness.  They make it to the Elevator.  Ellie is shot and killed.  Iron Man blasts the Elevator just as Ian activates it to go home.  Ian is gone without a trace.

Mike: IAN BETTER NOT BE DEAD!!  I really like this version of Nomad.  We haven’t see him in All-New All Different Marvel yet, but maybe he just hasn’t appeared yet. This was a really good story, though it doesn’t fit all that well with Secret Wars, especially since Ian was seemingly able to head back home using the Infinite Elevator.  I guess this is Remender’s finale.  Captain America should be in good hands with Nick Spencer.  I just hope he brings back Nomad…

Score: 4.5/5

SILVER SURFER #15 by Dan Slott & Michael Allred

Summary:Surfer has finished rebuilding the universe.  He rebuilds Zenn-La last.  Glorian offers to bring Dawn there, but Surfer says “Zenn-La was always a little too perfect for my tastes.:  He always wanted to see everything the universe had to offer, not just be stuck there.

Shaper of Worlds tells Surfer that there is a problem with the new universe he made, and that will cause the universe to die if they aren’t resolved.  Surfer and Glorion head to Euphoria.  It turns out that when Surfer rebuild all the worlds Galactus had destroyed, he had created duplicates of the survivors: the originals and the refugees who were with Euphoria.  They are being torn apart, so Surfer sends them all home, even though many of them don’t want that...and neither does Euphoria.

Back on Earth, Dawn and the Norrin she created are finishing restoring Earth.  Dawn is still trying to decide whether or not to restore her long dead mother.  Glorion and the real Surfer arrive back on Earth,  Shaper reveals this is another anomaly.  Only one Surfer can exist, the real one or the perfect one that Dawn created.

Glorion ends up killing the Shaper to take his power.  Zee reveals himself to be Zed from earlier in the series.  Zed is determined to be a god in the new universe, and is eager to serve Glorion.  But Glorion kills Zee, concerned that he will rebel against Glorion just like Glorion rebelled against Shaper.

Dawn decides not to choose between the two Surfers. She knows that picking one will give Glorion the power he seeks.  By refusing to choose, this new universe can’t exist.  She heads back to her home.  Glorion tries to stop her, but the perfect Surfer sacrifices himself to save Surfer and Dawn.   

As she passes through the gate, the Never Queen appears.  She says they have one last choice to make.  The old universe or the new.  Surfer believes the old is still controlled by Doom.  As they watch, Doom’s influence has been broken (in Secret Wars 9...which is not out yet).  Eternity is back in control.  Glorion tries to convince they to choose the new universe.  A universe where Dawn’s family is okay and Galactus never existed.  Surfer is tempted, but Dawn reminds him that there is still a lot to explore in the old universe.  Surfer agrees, and they return to their universe.

Mike: Like most of the Last Days stories, this just felt like a waste. You knew it wouldn’t have any lasting impact. And the whole “new universe” didn’t even make a lot of sense in the context of Battleworld.  It was still an interesting story, and I liked how Surfer and Dawn’s choices played out, but it still felt like it took far too long to get nowhere.  I really like Slott and Allred on Surfer, and this just felt like wasted issues.  Can’t wait for it to relaunch.

Score: 3.5/5

BATMAN AND ROBIN ETERNAL #7 by James Tynion IV, Scott Snyder, Genevieve Valentine, and Alvaro Martinez

Summary: Several years ago, Batman and Robin went to Prague chasing leads on Mother and Scarecrow.  While there, Batman ended up setting up a Batcave in Prague.

Today, Grayson, Harper, and Cassandra are in the Prague Batcave looking for Mother and Orphan.  The next person on Cassandra’s list is Sarangarel Talair, a ballerine located in Prague.  Grayson sends the girls to find Sarangarel while he tracks down Orphan.

Meanwhile, Red Robin and Red Hood head to Gamorra following their own leads.  Tim believes that Grayson is compromised.  They find black market agents operating out of a bar, and return in costume to question them.

In the flashback, Bruce ends up finding that Mother is connected to the Prague Ballet...the same place that Cassandra and Harper are checking out.   Sarangarel is backstage in the middle of the show and gets a call from Mother activate her.

Grayson ends up in a trap.  He tries to warn Harper, but the signal won’t go through.  The ballerinas all draw weapons and rush the audience.  Meanwhile, Dick finds Mother waiting for him.  She says, “It’s nice to see you again.”

Mike: Unlike Batman Eternal, a lot is happening in Batman and Robin Eternal at a much quicker pace.  Batman Eternal had a lot of long lulls in the action, but making this series about half the length seems like a far better choice.  It’s been much faster paced and I don’t feel like I would be better off reading it in chunks.  The week to week flow is far better.

Grey: It’s the consolidation of plots. I’d say about as much happens in each issue of this as happened in the previous weekly, but this one sticks to one core plot so it feels like it’s moving quickly. The upside to not trying to handle a dozen subplots an issue.

Mike: Yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense.  We really only have 1 story here, though there are three pieces to the story (Team Grayson, Team Red, and the flashback).  As opposed to Batman Eternal which had a lot of moving pieces, and many of them didn’t even necessarily all tie together in the end.

Score: 4.5/5

BLACK KNIGHT #1 by Frank Tieri and Luca Pizzari

Summary: After Secret Wars, Weirdworld still exists.  We don’t know why.  We also don’t know how Dane Whitman ended up there, ruling over an area called New Avalon.  New Avalon is at war with lizard men who turn to dust when they are defeated.  They also have fire breathing rock trolls.  New Avalon is looking to capture or kill a man called Caden Tar.

We find out that a lot of things from Earth keep landing in Weirdworld, including a WWII German U-Boat.  Dane has been keeping a collection of Earth things to remind him of home.  Dane is also being haunted by his ancestor, who believes Dane’s Ebony Blade is starting to overwhelm him.  Dane killed the old king of Avalon, and Caden is his son who escaped.  The issue ends with the Uncanny Avengers arriving in Weirdworld to try and bring back Dance.  Dane insists he will not be leaving quietly.

Mike: Not a bad comic at all, just not sure what the point of it is.  Pretty much you could swap Dane out with any other character and basically had the same book.  And I am not sure this book has any chance of lasting all that long.

Score: 3/5

EXTRAORDINARY X-MEN #2 by Jeff Lemire and Humberto Ramos

Summary: Illyana and Colossus head to Amsterdam to track down Nightcrawler.  They make their way to his apartment and find a blood trail.  He’s missing, except for his severed tail.

Iceman and Storm meet Old Man Logan.  They have a Sentinel that Forge remade into Cerebra, which upsets Logan.  Logan believes he’s from their future, but he’s never heard of Terrigen Mists or M-Pox.  Storm asks for his help, and reveals that Cyclops is dead.  Logan sends them away, saying he would only make things worse.

Back in Brooklyn, Young Jean tries to live a normal life.  But she sees some thugs attacking what she believes to be a mutant.  She uses her powers to save him, but that freaks out her new boyfriend who hates muties.  He runs off.  She checks with the mutant, who turns out to be an Inhuman.  He hates mutants too and runs off as well. Jean considers using the Cerebro device Storm left him in issue 1.

Colossus and Illyana use Cerebra to track Nightcrawler back to Manhattan.  They end up in the sewers.  They are attacked, but they easily defeat their attacks.  And find Sinister waiting for them.

Iceman and Storm return to X-Haven.  Sinister knocks out Illyana.  The ground around X-Haven starts to go nuts.  We find out that X-Haven is in Limbo, and without Illyana, the protections she set up are fading.

Jean goes to find Old Man Logan.  At first he think’s she just a ghost or a memory, but she reveals herself to be real.  To Be Continued.

Grey Scherl: EVERYBODY LIMBO! Best part of the issue, such an X-Men style twist.

Cyclops being dead can suck a giant bag of dicks.

Mike: Why does Marvel hate Cyclops so much?  I really don’t get it at all.   I don’t expect him to stay dead...but since he’ll probably come back and be vilified, he’s probably better off dead.

Definitely a huge improvement over the first issue.  Still a little darker than I like my X-Men stories, but at least we finally are starting to see how everything fits together.  

Score: 4/5

Invincible #125 by Robert Kirkman and Ryan Ottley

Summary: Mark has traveled back in time (through some unknown means), and confronts his father.  Mark knows the truth about Owen’s plans to help prepare Earth for invasion.  Mark reveals everything that happens in the future and tries to talk Owen out of it.  Owen punches Mark saying “You can’t defy the Vitrum Empire.”  Mark continues to try and talk to him, but Owen keeps punching him.  

Mark finally lures Owen into smashing through a mountain, which is the base of the Guardians of the Globe.  In the original timeline, Owen killed them all.  Mark reveals the truth about Owen’s intentions to the Guardians.  Since Owen didn’t get to ambush them this time, the Guardians easily defeat him.  Cecil arrives to help contain him. Mark reveals to Cecil that he’s from the future.  Mark then tries to talk some sense into Owen..and it seems to work.  Now that he’s calmed down, he seems to regret his decisions.  He even thanks Mark for stopping him.

Maillaro: This was a great issue.  Reboot has been one of my favorite Invincible arcs in a long time.  I don’t think this story will really end up with a reboot or changes to the timeline...that’s not really Kirkman’s style.  But it’s still been a real compelling story seeing how Mark would change history if he could.

Score: 4.5/5

MIGHTY THOR #1 by Jason Aaron and Russel Dauterman

Summary: Jane Foster goes into great detail about the effects of chemotherapy.  Her cancer started as breast cancer, but has metastasized through her entire body. None of the doctors’ treatments are working.  We find out that it’s because when she transforms to Thor, it neutralizes the effects of chemotherapy.

In space, Roxxon has set up a satellite that allows them to control the weather for any government willing to pay them.  The staff on the satellite spot the body of a light elf with “So begins the war of the realms” written across his chest in blood.  More bodies start to appear, so many in fact, that they end up damaging the satellite and causing it to crash towards Earth.

Jane sees this on TV and summons Mjolnir from it’s resting place on the moon.  As Thor, she works with the Avengers to keep the satellite from killing anyone.  Thor realizes that their is dark elf magic here and heads to space to check it out.

The nine realms are having a Council meeting on Asgardia.  It is pretty tense.  Jane arrives in human form as a representative from Earth.  Odin has declared “False Thor” to be a criminal who must be arrested on site.  The light elves are being raided by the dark elves, and the Council has done nothing to stop it.  The dark elves call their liars.  Jane is there to provide testimony that there are many dead elves in the skies of Midgard.  Nothing seems to be resolved at this meeting.

Jane goes to visit Freyja who has been imprisoned by Odin for treason.  Odin has been holed up in his castle and hasn’t been seen in months.  The original Thor is also MIA.  Determined to help, Jane heads to the Bifrost as Thor.  She asks Heimdell for help, but he only serves Odin.  Cul arrives to arrest her.

Meanwhile, we find out that Malekith has formed a dark council of his own, that is looking to exploit the resources from the realms.  They want to lore Thor into a trap, so they are considering bringing in a new member, Loki.

Mike: A lot of set up here.  Now that Jane’s mystery has been revealed, we get a chance to see some of her personal struggles.  I thought that was a real nice touch. There might have been a little too much build up here and not enough meat, but I still really enjoyed this issue.  Curious if Loki has really turned evil again.  He’s been a tweener for a long time now.  I suspect he will continue to be a complicated character; Jason Aaron doesn’t seem inclined to roll back the character developments we’ve seen.

Grey: I imagine if Loki were turning, they’d give him yet another revamped look. But like you said, he’s a tweener, so he can really play any role they need here. Though I didn’t finish Agent of Asgard, so he might have gotten turned by his future self and I just don’t know.

Jason Aaron has been aces since he took over Thor a few years ago, and major major props for putting the real focus on Jane’s struggles, and the fact that being this great hero is going to be what kills her in the end.

MIke: The end of Agent of Asgard was real strange.  BUT, in the end, Loki was pretty much the same as he’s been for a while.  Him and Verity basically used a doorway to “skip” Secret Wars entirely, and evil King Loki basically just gave up.  

Score: 4.5/5

Secret Six #8 by Gail Simone, Dale Eaglesham, and Jim Derenick

Summary: Big Shot is in the hospital with Black Alice.  Faust and Cheetah have arrived with other magic users looking to eliminate Black Alice.  Her very existence is causing massive problems for all magic users.  Black Alice wakes up, more powerful than ever.  Cheetah tries to attack, but Black Alice takes her powers away.

Elsewhere, Demon is with the rest of the Secret Six and tells them about the other magic users plot to kill Black Alice.  Atlanteans called the Children of Arion appear saying they can help.

Big Shot convinces Black Alice not to kill  Faust and Cheetah.  She reluctantly agrees, but warns that if they came after her again, she won’t give them a third chance. Black Orchid reveals that the magic users needs their powers to keep up the pillars of the White Gate which holds back the Old Gods.  The Atlanteans tell the Secret Six that destroying the pillars is the only way to save Black Alice.  Big Shot doesn’t trust Orchid, especially since she’s working with Faust and Cheetah.

The Secret Six decide to break the pillars.  They ask Scandal Savage and her team to watch over Alice. Banshee joins up with the Secret Six and they all head off to destroy the first column.  Which is in sunken Atlantis.  Aquaman comes out to challenge them.  Catman fights Aquaman.  The others on the team decide to watch the fight instead of finishing the job they came to do.  The bubble allowing them to breath starts to leak.  The Secret Six manage to extract the pillar, but they seemingly die in the process.

Back on the service, the Children of Arion are revealed to be servants of the Old Gods.  They decide to find others to help them destroy the other pillars.

Mike: Unlike a lot of series, a lot happens in each issue of Secret Six.  You always feel like you get your money’s worth.  Save to assume that not everyone died in this issue...though Simone definitely keeps you guessing.  Part of me kind of hopes that Scandal Savage’s team gets the focus for a few issues.  But that is just because I am such a huge fan of Simone’s Pre-New-52 Secret Six series.

Score: 5/5

SPIDER-WOMAN #1 by Dennis Hopeless and Javier Rodriguez

Summary: This issue starts with Jessica saying she never wanted kids, but things change.  And now she’s pregnant.  Porcupine is the hero, and she’s stuck on the sidelines.  Porcupine complains about her distracting him while he’s trying to take down some villains, including Shriek.  She ends up whining at Ben Urich, who is parked in a nearby car.  It turns out this is all just one last test for Porcupine before Spider-Woman starts her maternity leave.

The other heroes throw her a maternity leave party.  People are real curious who the father is, but Jessica’s not telling.

On Day 13 of maternity leave, Jessica decides to go check out intergalactic hospital recommended to her by Carol Danvers.  When she gets there, she finds two Skrulls looking to kidnap all the pregnant women from all over the universe who have come here.

Mike: Man, some books just don’t summarize well. Spider-Woman is a very funny book with tons of characterization.  Sure, it didn’t seem like a lot really happened in this issue, but all the pieces were set up perfectly.  And Jessica’s running commentary caused me to laugh out loud several times while reading the book.  Though the best part was Stark’s attempt to get information by asking Jessica, “Do you know who the father is?”    

Score: 5/5