Greytober Reviews: ATM

Wow. That’s all I have to say about tonight’s choice, and the fact that I’m starting it at almost three in the morning. I’ve been doing this movie thing for a few years now, though without the reviews, and this is a movie I’ve been passing up since the beginning. No real reason, I mean, I always look at it and say “Eh, maybe tomorrow”, but you know what? IT’S TOMORROW RIGHT NOW! It’s time for ATM! No, it’s not a porn, it’s an actual horror movie about people at an ATM.

God help me.

Some dude is checking out maps of the highway and a parking lot, working out all the angles (literally, he’s even drawing lines with a ruler and pen). Like, dude is putting in the work for, what I assume, is murders at an ATM on this map. He’s all shadowy, and he puts on a hooded parka (like Cold in Flash) over a hoodie, for double the head covering. Dude is MYSTERIOUS.

Happy music and trains during the credits. And Santa jingling for the Salvation Army.

Soul crushing job at a financial place, spineless accountant trying to explain to someone how he screwed up and cost him money around the holidays. Then his buddy tries to talk him into asking out the hot blonde on her last day. He can’t, because he’s spineless, and as he says “Left my balls at home”.

“Streamers and bitches, it’s what it’s all about.”

Buddy wants a ride to the Christmas party, main guy turns him down because he wants to go home. He winds up getting talked into it because, frankly, he needs to have a good showing around the firm because he’s been sucking at his job. Buddy goes to smoke a joint in the break room, and that sounds like a good idea.

They’re over at the party, and buddy...alright, f*** it, WIKI GIVE ME NAMES! David is the lead, Corey is the buddy, and Emily is the hot blonde that David is talking to at the party, making really bad small talk with a girl that is way more interested in than she should be. Total awkwardness between the two, and yeah, she’s either thinking “Why is this jackass talking to me” or “Why can’t this jackass just ask me out already”.

She’s off catching a cab, and David runs down with a hat to give her that she “forgot”, but she has her hat, and yeah, it’s an excuse for him to ask her out. She says no, then backs down because the obvious crush factor is freaking her out. Damnit, why can’t I have moments like this? He offers her a ride because the cabs aren’t stopping, she accepts, and he’s off to get his keys, and probably Corey. He tells the guys where he’s going, they wish him good luck, and Corey wants a ride, too. Cockblocking asshole. Once again with the guilt, talking his way into getting a ride.

Drive is happening, Corey is drunk, Emily is happy to be with David, and Corey is obnoxious as hell. Not only does he want a drive twenty minutes the other direction because he has no cab fare, but now he wants them to take him to get food. I REALLY want this guy to die. He’s even openly calling himself the third wheel. David, again, backs down, and Corey says if they go to the ATM he’ll get some cash.

THE ATM!

Corey is bitching that the ATM is a short walk away, and he is really drunk. David and Emily talk pizza, well, Dave does. Both are pretty nervous around each other, and I dig the organic nature...even if she is way too hot for him. They flirt, it’s cute, and Corey is inside the ATM place. Like, it’s a little building with a glass door and big windows with an ATM inside. Dave goes to check on him, Emily is all smiles before she starts getting a bit uneasy sitting in the car alone in an empty parking lot at night. So she gets out and locks the car and goes after them. Alright, she didn’t lock the car, the button didn’t work.

And Corey’s card isn’t working! Of course! Dave pulls some money out, they go to leave, and parka guy is standing outside staring at them. Corey wants to go out, the others are sketched expecting him to rob them. There’s no car other than theirs. Corey steps out, and guy steps forward, and he slowly goes back in. Dude isn’t talking, or responding unless they step outside, and they can’t tell if he’s armed or not.

“If we all leave at once we’ll be fine”

Dog barks, there’s a guy in the parking lot, and parka dude walks out after him and punches him out before bashing his skull into bits on the pavement. NOBODY BROUGHT A PHONE! IDIOTS! And now the dog is laying with his dead owner, and damnit, that made me sad for a nameless person dying. Parka dude goes back to standing where he was, staring them down. Dog runs off barking. Get help not-Lassie!

An hour later absolutely nothing has changed. Apparently he can’t get in because he doesn’t have an ATM card, and you need one to get in. Dave wants to make a run for the car, which the guy now notices and goes to open and empty the trunk. Tool box and a tire iron, seems like he’s going to have some fun with the spare tire kit. He walks around back, they lose sight of him. He starts beating on the back with the tire iron, and everyone tries to talk David out of it. Andddd there goes the power and heat. Lights come back on, and their brilliant idea is to start trying to set off the alarm. There’s a fire alarm, but they don’t have a lighter.

They see a cop drive by and try to signal him to come help, but he doesn’t notice and drives off. Lights are on, heat is off, and the guy is around back trying to break open the back door. David’s new idea? Offer him money and jewelry and whatever else they’ve got. This is when Emily realizes that this whole problem is because Corey is cheap, since if his card isn’t working, he shouldn’t have been able to get in. Fuck Corey.

David starts to slowly open the door, but pusses out with no sign of Parka Dude, who is out back listening to them through the door he’s trying to open. Listening to their plans of buying him off or running for help. They all go out together, and nope, just David. He should be running, not standing there. Parka Dude comes around, and David tries to offer him the bribe in exchange for freedom. Guy doesn’t respond at all, even when the envelope is tossed to him. David takes a few steps back, guy goes and retrieves it, and David runs for the car. I bet dude fucked up the inside when he was there. Yup, jammed the lock and ripped out the ignition. David gets the phone, but Parak Dude breaks the window and yanks him out. Phone gets broken in the struggle, and David loses his jacket before getting back to the safety of the ATM.

Dude goes, takes the envelope, pockets it, and goes back to the car to find the phone, which I guess isn’t broken, but was just kicked. It was a fast shot, sue me. Phone goes in the trunk along with the wallet and envelope. This is obviously his car now, even though he ripped out the ignition.

Everyone is freezing and Emily finds something in her pocket, makeup probably. Yep, she writes a big “HELP” on the window. Could have been bigger, the whole place is windows, she didn’t need to just use one.

Two hours into the wait, and it’s minus five degrees. I’m getting cold just watching this. Emily tries some random bullshit method of typing in David’s PIN number backwards, thinking it would alert the police. Corey and I have the same thought of how if your PIN is a palindrome, then you’d constantly be alerting the police. I used to have one of those several debit cards ago, trust me, it doesn’t alert the police. Emily left the card in too long and the machine ate it. Hot but stupid. Deathly stupid?

Corey starts saying this has to be the guy that David lost the retirement fund of to start the movie, David says it could be anyone Corey has done the same thing to. Grasping at straws, he’s a random nutcase who picked out a location, not people. I mean, they don’t normally go here, he wouldn’t be waiting on the random chance they showed up. He was coming for anyone.

Cop, round two. This time he sees them and pulls in, and he’s just a security guard, so he won’t be armed, and will likely die quickly. He parks by their car and slowly walks up while they yell warnings that he can’t hear. He sees the body from earlier, goes to call it in, but gets beaten to death with the tire iron. Parka Dude turns off his car, takes the keys, and hauls away the bloody corpse, something he didn’t do for dude earlier.

This is all Corey’s fault.

Oh shit! Parka Dude walks right in! They try to take him down, but he’s a tough mother fucker. They wrestle him down, and David grabs a chain to choke him to death with. I imagine this is not dude at all, and he’s a trap sent in to lure them out. He’s probably changed his coat and everything by now. This dude has a plan. Otherwise this is the most anticlimactic movie ever.

Emily is taking watching David kill dude well, and David is taking killing him well, but Corey is looking outside and...Parka Dude is there in the same outfit. So this is just another random dude in the same jacket that they killed. No phone, but a wallet with pictures of his family. Now nobody is handling it well. Much better! They killed a dude who stopped at the ATM on the way to work, that Parka Dude let through because he knew what would happen.

He’s back around back, doing his thing, and why have they not all just run yet? I mean, he’s quick, but if all three run in different directions, he isn’t getting all of them. Corey finally gets the bright idea of taking dead guy's jacket, and I’m surprised it took this long. Corey is blaming David and denying that he forced the yes. I mean, this entire thing is Corey’s fault, but he’s an asshole, so yeah, he’ll deflect. Apparently he brought his booze with him, so while everyone is freezing, he’s getting drunker. Corey goes to leave, and Emily asks him to stay, so he just goes for it. And by goes for it, I mean he takes two steps, makes a dramatic pause, and then runs like hell...into a chest high trip line. He’s done.

Here comes Parka Dude, and Corey is on the ground not getting up too quick. David wants to help, Emily won’t let him go, so he shoves her while PG stabs Corey and does a dramatic stare into his eyes while he dies. David catches the tail end of it and backs against the wall while Emily comes over to sit with him. PG still can’t get that back door open, but he sees a Christmas Tree lot!

….is he going to pull a tree over and light it on fire?

Nope, he’s taking the hose. Is he going to freeze the handle on the door and break it?

David is telling Emily about taking the random hat because he wanted an excuse to talk to her again, no shit, she isn’t surprised. She’s at a point of hopelessness given their situation, talking about all the things she could have done to not wind up there. Not in a manner of regret, she’s accepting her inevitable fate pretty nicely. Really, she regrets not just saying yes to lunch. They go to kiss, but there’s a crash, and it sounds like dude got through the door.

Corey isn’t dead! He’s slowly crawling to them! So they...idiotically run outside to help him.

“It feels good to run.” “Let’s get him back inside.”

Dude comes after them, but slips on the ice and they get back inside. Dude left the knife inside Corey, brutal. Just takes the jacket, he’s not going to make it. Instead they try to save him with no medical knowledge other than “pressure”.

PG has put David’s car in drive and now it’s blocking the door. They’re stuck inside for good now. Corey is seizing, Emily is crying, and now water is coming through the vents. That’s what he was doing with the hose! Drag the bodies in front of it! Stop trying to save obviously dead Corey!

They find a lighter on Corey and try to set off the sprinklers, which, you know, that’s just more water to make you hypothermic, plus, lighters won’t set that off. You need something burning, not just fire.

PG sets up a chair and sits back to watch the show.

I hope they drop the lighter in the water, which is really high up considering that the door isn’t air tight or anything. Corey is floating, it’s that high. That jacket is useless now. She gets up on David’s shoulders to try and hold their fire up to the sprinklers, and success! Sprinklers! Alarms! And now the fire is out, and there’s more water, and they didn’t think this through. Emily falls and hits her head, she’s out.

The security camera footage from this place would be crazy.

Emily is dead, and PG just rammed the security guards car into David’s car to blow out the front of the building. Things he could have done ages ago. David is alive, but he just stays there with Emily’s body for a minute before getting a tough guy look and a bottle of booze. He gets his jacket out of his car, tears it up, and is he making a molotov? Would that lighter still work? We’re about to find out!

YUP! He tosses it at PG, who is just sitting in the chair not moving, and that’s the security guard. What a waste. The guards mace goes off, and David goes down as the police arrive. He tries to point them at the killer, but they just see David and arrest him. Nobody listens to him, and they leave him in the backseat parked there while they do everything on scene. The bodies are gone before they drive off with him. There’s a crowd of people seeing what happened, and sure enough, PG is standing in it.

When they see the security footage, it’s going to be pretty obvious David is innocent of everything but killing the janitor who walked in wearing the wrong outfit.

Hey! The footage! And it’s all clipped and broken, but you can see him killing the one guy pretty clear, and his fight with Corey, and Emily getting shoved, andddd there’s only an inside camera, isn’t there? Yeah, this looks bad. All they get is footage of David looking insane. PG never comes in range.

But now he’s off to a storage facility, fucking 13th Unit, and what’s he got inside? Boxes and crap. Are we going to see his face? Well, so far nope, just a much more detailed look at his plans. He knows the range of every camera at these places, and he’s got a file full of different ones. He’s planning his next night out.

The killer has no face and no name, and it works here. He doesn’t need an identity to be scary, what he represents is good enough. He has no motivation to harm these people for anything they’ve done to him, it’s simply what he does. Out of the four movies that I’ve watched this far, he was probably the scariest. The fact that he could be anyone, the lack of saying anything, the revelation that this wasn’t the first or last time that he’s done this. I know this is a one and done, but I’d watch a sequel.

Final score: Seven degrees below zero in a room full of water out of ten